I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
