Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Someone came in the potted fern
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
