none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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