Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
