i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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