Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
