Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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