I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
