a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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