i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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