I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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