He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
