Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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