I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I need to calm my uterus...
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
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