my soul wont recognize me after tonight
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
