Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
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