Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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