I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
