I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
