hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
