we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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