Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
