So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
