it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I had to cum in my sink.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
