my phone needs a breathalizer
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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