apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
