Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
