we're blogging at a bar
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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