I love black thongs
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
