i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Randomize
