Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
