Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
