In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
