just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
