i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
