Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
