lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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