yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
