4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
