Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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