Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I don't deserve a penis
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
