He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
