Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
People in love make me want to vomit
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
