So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
