Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
