I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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