now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
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