Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
