I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
