oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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