Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
