Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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