I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
