I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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